Shark Farts!

The first of what I suspect to be many of my favorite 30 Rock quotes:

"There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party because a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY" - Liz Lemon

"Is this a rule of threes call? I'm going to be at your funeral. I'm going to bury you!" - Betty White to Tracy Jordan

"I'm going to make your heart explode" - Devon Banks to Jack Donaghy

Drunken Disney

These are a collection of quotes from two separate occasions when I found myself intoxicated while watching Disney movies with my dearest Sheepy (Madeline, that's her nickname (don't question it)). By the way, I highly recommend this practice. Disney movies are just so much more entertaining (and dark?) while inebriated.

"It's sand tiger! You just got swallowed by sand tiger! You're dead!" -- Crystal watching Aladdin during the scene where Aladdin is buried in the Cave of Wonders

"Aladdin teaches kids that possessed shit is okay!" -- Crystal reflecting on the morals taught in Aladdin

"Why does the Beast need a prisoner?" -- Madeline watching Beauty and the Beast


"They only loved each other when they were truly themselves... That shit's a moral." -- Crystal watching Beauty and the Beast and reflecting

"He hovered his ass over there!" -- Crystal watching Beauty and the Beast during the scene where the Beast jumps all the way up his grand staircase

"You're not welcome her so get in the basement!" -- Madeline watching Beauty and the Beast imitating the Beast's logic regarding imprisoning Belle's father

Big Three, Little Three

My favorite quotable professor unleashed some gems today in lecture. I dedicate this post to him and a fellow former classmate, roommate and friend, Shelly.

"Papers are like steaks, you want all that meat!" - Jonathan Wender talking about our essays

"Go home and smell the Aspirin." - Jonathan Wender giving us our homework for the long weekend

Birthday Tre

Our waiter at Buca di Beppo was quite the personality. Unbeknowst to him, or knownst depending on who you talk to, he was dropping some pretty incredible "That's what she said" moments. Here's to you, Mr. Waiter, may your life be full of future "That's what she saids."

"I need a landing strip to put this down." - waiter at Buca di Beppo

"Let me take those dirties." - waiter at Buca di Beppo

A Cup of Apples

This past weekend was the Apple Cup in Pullman, WA. For anyone who doesn't know (apparently I have readers in Denmark??), the Apple Cup is the final football game of the season between Washington state rivals, University of Washington and Washington State. With a UW win this year, I heard a plethora of hilarious chants, drunken exclamations and words of wisdom. You decide which is which.

"My hair! I need to shave it." - Madeline Gagner, sober

"You know what? I just want a snack." - Madeline Gagner, drunk

"I don't listen to not Dave." - Crystal Komenda (Yeah, I quoted myself. Get over it.)

"Pullman sucks! Pullman sucks!" - UW student section chant during the 4th quarter of play

"UW rejects! UW rejects!" - UW student section chant while WSU football team ran onto the field

"Sark must have the biggest fucking cock." - Guy in front of me in reaction to Coach Sark going for it on 4th and 1

Ode to Allan

Allan is my amazing step-dad. He's probably one of the most subtly funny people in my life. His sense of humor is on par with mine and he says some of the greatest things. It's time the world find out about the one and only Allan Broda.

"I'm reaching for the stars!" - Allan Broda holding a star shaped cookie over his head

"I say, 'No piggy! Get off the couch!'" - Allan reenacting his conversations with his pet pig, Percy

Questioning Humor

Here's a collection of humorous questions I've heard, some older, some from earlier today. Enjoy, my readers, laugh your little hearts out (but not literally, because that's disgusting).

"So, where you guys from?" - Brian, asked about a dozen times in the span of about an hour

"Why don't you go back to where you came from?" - Customer taking to my boss

Paul: "So what are those beds like?"

Kimberly: "It's like sleeping on a cloud!"

Brian: "How many times have you slept on a cloud, Kimberly?"