WAYNE DAWSON

This post deserves an introduction. While in Charlottesville, Virginia with my roommates to see Dave Matthews Band, we met a most intriguing man by the name of Wayne Dawson. I believe we had at least a 15 minute conversation with him. I cannot attest to his sobriety (he must have left it at home), but his state did lead to some amazingly hilarious quotable quotes. I will never forget you, Wayne Dawson.

"WAYNE DAWSON! What are you going to do with me? Love me!" - Wayne Dawson introducing himself

"Beautiful, beautiful fuckin' people." - Wayne Dawson

"No more 'r' words. Rainbows!" - Wayne Dawson, whispered

A Glorious Rebirth

Due to sheer negligence, I have almost completely abandon this blog. Shame is all I feel. SHAME!

I am quite passionate about quotes, even more so when someone completely spontaneously says something hilarious. Especially if they don't realize how funny they are. I'm constantly surrounded by people who make me laugh everyday, so why haven't I updated this thing. I blame Twitter. 

My new promise: to update this blog daily. You, my loyal (pretend you are loyal) readers, deserve a daily dose of light-heartedness. I know you count on my to supply you with your joy in life (let me dream, people).

Enjoy this week old quote from one of my favorite sources of comedic material to start off the rebirth of this glorious blog:

"I have a really bad stubbed toe right now, so toes are on my mind" - Jonathan Wender, mid-lecture

Grey Street

"There's an emptiness inside her, and she'd do anything to fill it in. And though it's red blood bleeding from her now, it's more like cold blue ice in her heart. She feels like kickin' out all the windows, and setting fire to this life. She would change everything about her using colors bold and bright, but all the colors mix together to grey. And it breaks her heart." - Grey Street by Dave Matthews Band

Spirit of the season, nipping at our heals

"I really wish there was salt on this. I still definitely wish this had salt." - Kimberly Redding eating apple-rasin toast

"Ooooh, she just called you a bitch! Boom, roasted!" - Kimberly Redding

"I'm gonna write to Kyle on a plate! Um, but really. I'm gonna write to him on a plate." - Kimberly Redding

"You're going to fucking write that too! Shit! I gotta go." - Kimberly Redding

Possibly the best thing I've heard a professor say. Ever.

"Don't complain about already finishing your paper. You should stop talking about it in front of your classmates or you might get lynched" - Noam Pianko

Thank you for an awesome class this quarter, Professor!

Gamblin' man

Cody: "So, when I was at the blackjack table earlier and this big Samoan guy sat down next to me. At least I think he was Samoan. Actually, I don't know if he was or not, I just said he was..."

Crystal: "Okay..."

Cody: "Anyway, this guy next to me saw my wrist band... You know, the one you have to wear if you're under 21?"

Crystal: "Yeah..."

Cody: "Yeah, and he saw the wrist band and said 'So the EQC wouldn't let you in?' EQC stands for Emerald Queen Casino."

Crystal: "I know..."

Cody: "I was just checking. Anyway the guy said that and I was like, 'No.' (pause) Wow, I really thought that was going to be a better story"

Crystal: *wild laughter*

Full of Mayhem

"Oh and the knees! Feel them" - Kimberly Redding

"Crystal, you don't have socks on." - Kimberly Redding

"Wait... Stop it... Don't make me nervous..." - Kimberly Redding